My doctor didn't tell me the most important thing I should've known about my depression. We learned in the earlier post that one of the best warning signs for an unhealthy gut is depression and anxiety. I want to share with you my experience with both issues. My journey has come full circle from pills and doctors to probiotics and supplements.
I was probably 17 when I had my first bout with depression. I didn’t know that of course. This was 1982-83 and I hadn’t heard of depression. In hindsight, that’s what it was. After graduation I attended college in Washington DC. It was far away from home and family. That was where I met my husband, got married and had children.
- I was tired all the time.
- Good things would happen to me but I could only feel sadness.
- The weight that was on me, I couldn’t lift off.
- Happiness was a concept I couldn't grasp. How can you when you don't know what it is?
- I started to get anxious. It wasn’t over anything specific.
- Restless and irritable were two words that my husband would use to describe me .
- I didn’t want to leave the house. You could not keep a full-time job if all you wanted to do was stay home and lock yourself into a room.
- Finally, I gave in to everything I was feeling and I quit work.
It was all downhill from there.
For the next 5 years, I didn’t leave the house unless I absolutely had to. I remember when I finally realized I had to get help. I found a website that asked some questions and one that listed symptoms.
After doing some research I realized that I was depressed. So, I had to figure out what to do. Of course, everything I read told me that the answer was to go see a psychiatrist. Well, you can’t just see a psychiatrist. You must also see a psychologist. The psychiatrist prescribes the medicine and the psychologists makes you talk. I was at least mildly desperate to get out of the house, so I went.
The doctor put me on antidepressant medication and I saw a counselor once a week. I went through about 3 different medications before something clicked in enough that I could get out of the house. Once my kids were both in school, I even got a job. I thought I was cured.
Back To Work:
I still didn’t feel “normal”, or what I thought normal felt like. The children were not taken care of properly. The laundry wasn't done. I couldn’t get the house clean. Our meals were frozen and just popped in the oven. I didn’t go anywhere or doing anything except spend the money I made in a worthless attempt to make myself feel better. Oh, and by the way, I quit taking my medication because I was cured.
I was in my 20’s then, and now I’m in my 50’s. I’ve had periods where I went back on medication but nothing ever worked. I’ve been more “depressed” at sometimes than at others. I have never felt happy. I spent 3 years never leaving home except to go to work. I’ve felt hopeless and helpless. I’ve felt worthless and just an overwhelmed sadness. There were nights that I would cry every time I closed my eyes because I thought I'd live like this the rest of my life.
I couldn’t control my thoughts. I would think “I’m going to work tomorrow” and in the middle of that thought I would move to another thought. In the middle of that I would move to another and I would go around and round and not be able to turn my mind off. You might even be confused reading this description of what I was going through. I know I was always confused.
Giving Up Again:
I gave up on doctors and medication because nothing every completely worked. The doctors would just continue to say I needed medication and I needed therapy. I just gave up period.
When my dad died, all I could focus on was that my mother would too. I started to stay away from her because I couldn’t stop thinking like that.
I will be honest and tell you I didn’t get to the point where I was willing to do anything to make it better. I'd given up.
On The Way To Recovery:
I started taking some plant-based all natural supplements to help me lose weight. My highest weight was 285 lbs. You would only describe me as fat. I ate my depression. I self-medicated with food.
These supplements were a probiotic, biocleanse, and a “pink” drink . I’m the kind of person who must research everything (obsessed). There was a large amount of information about these products. That information included testimony about what others had experienced while on them. People were losing weight and getting healthy but healing their gut.
I read that the bacteria in my gut could be the root of my depression and anxiety. I mean that sounds crazy, doesn’t it? No doctor ever told me that bacterial overgrowth in my intestines could be making me sick. I have studied psychology and abnormal psychology and I learned then that my depression and anxiety are due to an imbalance in neurotransmitters. So how could I reconcile the two?
So, your doctor doesn’t want you to know this because you might research this like I did. Maybe instead of committing to antidepressants for the rest of your life, you might want to try healing your gut. You might not have to spend every week with the therapist. How would you like to live a healthy and happy life naturally.
Next post we are going to explore the rest of the story. If you feel a connection to mine please comment below. Have you suffered from these feelings? Are you suffering from them now? You don’t have to share more than you want to. You don’t even need to say more than yes or no. We all need to know we aren’t alone in this.
Next time I want to tell you about what I learned about this link between the gut and depression. I’m going to share what has happened since I started taking these supplements. You might find an answer to something you connected with in this post.
So comment and subscribe. Don't miss the next installment.
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Disclaimer: These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.